


we're like oil and water (never meant to be together)

by emilia_kaisa



Series: butting heads [2]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Complicated Relationships, Friendship, M/M, Not Beta Read, Relationship Study, Rivalry, Tension, Working things out, complicated feelings, i'm implying a lot of things in here okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 16:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15416727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: A part of him wanted to crack a smile and joke, fall back into that familiar, warm routine that used to be so easy. But the other part whispered that maybe that routine, that ease, that careless closeness had costed him two world titles.(aka: sometimes Yuzuru wished he could hate Javi. It would be so much easier.)





	we're like oil and water (never meant to be together)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey hi, more boys trying to work things out after world championships 2016! This is basically 'we're like rock and scossors', but from the boys' POV (first chapter for Yuzuru, second for Javi).  
> Title from 'rock and scissors' by Michael Schulte.  
> This is fiction, and pls remember English is not my mother tongue. Enjoy!

 

He already had said it so many times.

_I came to Toronto because of Javi. I wanted to train with him, but I didn't know if he would be okay with that. But he turned out to be the kindest person I've ever met. Without him, training would be unbearably hard._

It was the truth, obviously. Yuzuru had expected jealousy and bitterness, but was welcomed with warmth and gentelness. He had never imagined it could be so easy, falling into someone's smile and touch. But there it was, stabile and unbreakable during all these years, that easy connection that had started with their first shared smile.

Shanghai didn't really change anything. Losing hurt, bu Yuzuru was able to be gracious about it, just like Javi always was when it was Yuzuru on the top of the podium. It only motivated him more, made him want to train harder, be even better, push himself to new limits.

But Boston turned everything upside down.

Yuzuru tried to be gracious once again. He was happy for Javi's victory, in some way.He knew that he couldn't blame it on his injury, belittling Javi's victory. He also skated injured, and he was just better, once again. But something settled inside his chest, something small and ugly, something that wanted to make its way up through his dry and clenched throat. And as he was standing on the podium, smiling through his gtitted teeth-

\- for the first time in his life he wished he could hate Javi.

He wished he could hate his smile, his warm eyes, that honest concern in his gaze. He wished he could hate Javi for beating him yet again, for being better.

It would be so much easier.

The thing was, Yuzuru was selfish, like every skater, like every athlete. He put himself first and he believed that he could be the best. But Yuzuru _knew_ that he was the best, it was circling in his veins, pumping loudly in his temples. And Javi- Javi was great. Skilled and amazing and excellent at what he was doing.

But he shouldn't be able to beat Yuzuru. Not twice.

Yuzuru admired him, he really did. He owed him so much and he knew that he should be handling it better. But he couldn't, that ugly thing next to his heart growing and putting pressure in his chest, making it hard to smile and breathe.

 

 

He came back to Toronto with fire in his heart and determination in every fibre of his body. He knew what he had to do and it came with surprising ease. Javi was a bit taken aback by the sudden cold treatment, but he didn't comment on it. Yuzuru was glad that he didn't.

Yuzuru knew what he had to do. He had to focus. Javi was great, Javi was important, but Javi was also a competitor. A threat. It had always been that way, but only now Yuzuru could see it so clearly, so vividly.

He didn't blame Javi for anything, usually. But sometimes, right before falling asleep, he would recall Boston and all he had felt, and there was a tiny voice of accusation in the back of his head, whispering that if it weren't for him-

Yuzuru hated this, hated that little voice and those ugly feelings. But he couldn't help but stare darkly when Javi landed a perfect jump, all smiles and laughs.

So when Javi waved at Yuzuru, inviting him to skate over, he pretended not to notice.

He couldn't avoid him forever. Or it was Javi who couldn't stay away for too long.

„Hey!” Javi greeted him cheerfully when they bumped into each other next to the soda machine „So this is where you're hiding!”

„No hiding.” Yuzuru said, inserting a coin to the machine and wincing when it anounced in bright letters that he was fifty cents short. Stupid thing.

„Here.” Javi smiled broadly and threw in a missing coin.

„Thanks.” Yuzuru said, his throat clenched.

A part of him wanted to crack a smile and joke, fall into that familiar, warm routine that used to be so easy. But the other part whispered that maybe that routine, that ease, that careless closeness had costed him two world titles.

So when Javi noticed lightly that Yuzuru was looking very intense these days, that ugly feeling bubbled to the surface.

„Need to train much, so this year not so easy for you.” he said, the words burning his tongue like acid. He knew he wasn't fair, he knew that he was mean, but he couldn't help it. He was weak like that.

Javi blinked as if Yuzuru just hit him, his smile falling.

„What?”

Yuzuru knew what Javi was thinking. That maybe he misunderstood him, that maybe Yuzuru twisted some words. He was always so nice, always ready to see the best in people. And suddenly Yuzuru felt anger; he was angry at Javi, who was always so kind and gracious, as if he didn't care about winning at all while it was all Yuzuru could think about.

He was angry, because he couldn't be the same.

„Nothing.” he said, pressing his lips in a tight line, but Javi didn't give up.

„Do you mean what I think you mean?”

„Don't know, can't read minds.” Yuzuru said, as if it was nothing, but he knew that his tone was provocative.

He kinda wished for Javi to snap at him. Maybe that would actually make him feel better, to know that he wasn't the only one who was bitter.

„Fine.” was all Javi said, his eyes distant and voice cold „Enjoy your drink.” he added before walking away and Yuzuru's tomach turned.

The soda tasted bitter on his tongue.

 

 

Javi was acting like nothing had happened. He was polite as always, but Yuzuru noticed that he was trying to put some distance between them, as if he wanted to fulfill Yuzuru's unspoken wish.

Yuzuru was always kind of proud of his media presence. His face was nice enough to gain sympathy, and all he had to do to be likeable was to smile brightly and trying to speak English during interviews. He knew that for the world he seemed like a cute, innocent boy with not an ounce of envy in him.

He wondered what the world would say if they knew how his insides twisted with jealousy when Javi landed a beautiful quad right in front of him.

„Nice sal.” Yuzuru noticed „Shame it your best jump.” he just couldn't help himself, again.

„Last time I checked it was enough to win worlds.”

„But not enough to make records.”

Javi stared at him, his jaw working, and for the first time in ages he looked mad. Yuzuru stared back, weirdly content that he was finally able to make him drop that nice guy act for a second.

„You know, in almost every interview people ask me about you. How it is to train with the god of skating? Does he inspire you? How is he?” he stopped for a moment, his eyes harsh „Maybe I should tell them that you're just a plain asshole?”

It was like a punch to a stomach.

Yuzuru knew that he was being mean. He knew that he was unfair, treating Javi like that. He knew all of that, but he was feeling helpless and small and vulnerable, and it was the only way he could protect himself from everything and everyone.

„You jealous.” he said, knowing that it was pathetic, and Javi snorted.

„Yeah, because your life is so awesome.”

Another punch.

„What?

Javi's voice was dripping with sarcasm, but Yuzuru couldn't quite grasp what he meant, and that threw him off.

„Nothing.” Javi shook his head, his shoulders hanging, suddenly looking resigned.

„What you mean? Tell me!” Yuzuru pressed, almost desperate to know.

„Let it go, Yuzu.” Javi said, suddenly looking sad „I'll see you tomorrow.”

Yuzuru was left alone on the ice, silence and cold seeping into his body, and then he heard quiet shuffling in the corner and he saw Brian, who was looking at him with expression he couldn't read.

Yuzuru felt sick.

When he enetered the locker room Javi was still there, packing his stuff with his back turned to him. Yuzuru stopped close to the door, leaning against one of the lockers, his heart feeling heavy.

„Are you mad for what I think?” he asked and Javi straightened up, turning around to look at Yuzuru.

„I'm not mad that you think that way.” Javi said quietly „I'm mad because you decided it's okay to tell me all of that.”

Yuzuru heart sank.

„I'm sorry.” he said, stupid tears gathering in his eyes. Because he was, he truly was sorry, but he couldn't help it, too lost in what he wanted, what he needed and what he had to do.

„I know.” Javi said softly, his smile tired. He grabbed his bag and walked towards the door, but he stopped next to Yuzuru and touched his cheek briefly, something he hadn't done in a long time. Javi looked as if he wanted to say something, and Yuzuru waited, his heart racing. He suddenly had this big, overwhelming feeling that everything could change in that moment, if only Javi said something-

\- but he didn't. He let his hand fall, smiling tiredly, and then he left.

It was too complicated, all of that.

Yuzuru understood, with a pang in his chest, that Javi couldn't change anything. He had already changed Yuzuru's life, in a way that no one had, but now there was nothing more could do. Because even he couldn't change the fact that skating would always come first. Always.

But when he left the rink and took a deep breath, for the first time in weeks he didn't feel that awful, heavy pressure in his chest.

So maybe something changed, somehow.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Like it? Hate it? Let me know in the comments!  
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
